It is not uncommon that we feel let down when we see unexpected behavior on the part of someone you know closely. Negative emotions of varying intensity can follow, thus causing us pain and, possibly, suffering. I wonder how evitable such pain is. Clearly, the pain would not be caused if the person had not behaved in hurtful ways. But, we can't control how others behave; we can control how we perceive others' behaviors and our reactions to the same.
The answer lies in a phrase in the first sentence - "unexpected behavior". Could it be that the problem is with our "expectations" of the person that the person did not - wittingly or otherwise - live up to? Did the person have insight into our expectations, or even care that we had any about her/him? Regardless, can we control the person to behave otherwise? All rhetorical questions with the same obvious answer.
What we can do, in the spirit of empowerment, is to use the experience to reset our expectations - bring them to a level that matches the relationship - which, in itself, could have been redefined in the process. With the adjusted expectations, the person's behavior comes in close match, and the behavior becomes "expected" - or, at the very least, "not unexpected"!
We should not preclude the corollary - to raise our expectations of someone who demonstrates the potential to regularly surprise us in a pleasant way. This can help strengthen the relationship, and work to tap the synergy to elevate both individuals to a higher standard.
Without the ability to adapt our expectations based on what our stimuli constantly tell us, we can be in a state of denial - causing the gap between reality and expectations. This becomes the cause of internal distress.
So, let us take ourselves in our own hands, let the world be what it is, and moderate our expectations of others to achieve peace of mind and personal growth.
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