Conspicuous on the Indian New Year last week was a newsclip in the Times of India about a Delhi High Court judgment that wilful denial of sex, including on the first night of a marriage, amounts to cruelty and is sufficient grounds for its annulment. The Judge also referred to another Court's observation: "sex is the foundation of marriage and marriage without sex is an anathema".
Hats off to the Judge for his guts for touching a subject matter that is integral to a marriage (and other civil unions) - hitherto only taken up by brave bloggers, and art cinemas. A hot potato that this subject is, it is only appropriate that someone take the bull by his horns. Kudos!
At the same time, I am aghast to note the gender bias in the ruling, though it takes care to say that such cruelty is grounds for a marriage annulment regardless of the gender of the person it is inflicted on. And the presumption about what makes a good marriage! Watching too many Bollywood/Tollywood movies, Hon Judge, and succumbing to the hype of the honeymoon night?
I am more aghast, though, about the state of the society of which this story is a microcosm. A society that has archaic views about the sanctity of the marriage, and almost no regard to the sanctity of a relationship. A society that does not always see the marriage as a tool to strengthen the sanctity of a relationship. A society in which the individuals in the relationship can be only incidental, and many other unimportant forces are at play. A society in which compatibility between two individuals is projected based on the matching of horoscopes, the prophecies of astrologers and godmen of questionable repute, and the credentials of the ancestors of the individuals involved. A society in which color matters (fairness of skin is a good thing) and so does caste (higher the caste is a good thing). I can go on and on and on ....
But, there is hope! Recognition of a problem is necessary for its solution. And, it is good to baseline the current status. That allows the estimation of the gap that needs to be scaled.
There will come a time when compatibility between individuals will be considered a prerequisite for a marriage - as defined by the individuals, and nobody else - and, encompassing all aspects that make a good relationship: mutual respect, caring, nurturing, and good sex potential, if that be important to the individuals involved. There will come a time when astrologers and godmen will line the walls of archeological museums, and casteism will only exist as a prehistoric artefact. There will come a time when beauty will be more than skin-deep, and we will lose the pigmentation on our rose-colored glasses.
And, Hon Judge of the Delhi High Court - I have high expectations of you. That you will not drop the hot potato that you have dared to pick up. The first ruling may have been clumsy, but then, who can really "do it" the first time around?
Hats off to the Judge for his guts for touching a subject matter that is integral to a marriage (and other civil unions) - hitherto only taken up by brave bloggers, and art cinemas. A hot potato that this subject is, it is only appropriate that someone take the bull by his horns. Kudos!
At the same time, I am aghast to note the gender bias in the ruling, though it takes care to say that such cruelty is grounds for a marriage annulment regardless of the gender of the person it is inflicted on. And the presumption about what makes a good marriage! Watching too many Bollywood/Tollywood movies, Hon Judge, and succumbing to the hype of the honeymoon night?
I am more aghast, though, about the state of the society of which this story is a microcosm. A society that has archaic views about the sanctity of the marriage, and almost no regard to the sanctity of a relationship. A society that does not always see the marriage as a tool to strengthen the sanctity of a relationship. A society in which the individuals in the relationship can be only incidental, and many other unimportant forces are at play. A society in which compatibility between two individuals is projected based on the matching of horoscopes, the prophecies of astrologers and godmen of questionable repute, and the credentials of the ancestors of the individuals involved. A society in which color matters (fairness of skin is a good thing) and so does caste (higher the caste is a good thing). I can go on and on and on ....
But, there is hope! Recognition of a problem is necessary for its solution. And, it is good to baseline the current status. That allows the estimation of the gap that needs to be scaled.
There will come a time when compatibility between individuals will be considered a prerequisite for a marriage - as defined by the individuals, and nobody else - and, encompassing all aspects that make a good relationship: mutual respect, caring, nurturing, and good sex potential, if that be important to the individuals involved. There will come a time when astrologers and godmen will line the walls of archeological museums, and casteism will only exist as a prehistoric artefact. There will come a time when beauty will be more than skin-deep, and we will lose the pigmentation on our rose-colored glasses.
And, Hon Judge of the Delhi High Court - I have high expectations of you. That you will not drop the hot potato that you have dared to pick up. The first ruling may have been clumsy, but then, who can really "do it" the first time around?
1 comment:
Indian cinema's has tremendous influence on the youth and society at large about their ideal about romance and relationships. First Night "Suhaag Raat" is very favorite topic in the Bollywood films.
Bollywood films are full of stories where couples do not consummate their marriage, especially on their first night after the marriage.
Most females are married before puberty, with almost all girls being married before 16 .
However, couples normally do not consummate the marriage until three years after the marriage ceremony
Epic first night scene or the first initiate rendezvous of couple in the Bollywood films can not be ignored Film from Swami to Recent ones like Raazi, Kalak has variations of story when the bride refuses to consummate the marriage. India/Bollywood may not have quiet copied/adapted films like "Consenting Adults" but extra-marital affair is getting more a common theme in Indian Films. In films some times audience may have full sympathy to the characters ( like Music teacher one of the 2019 Netflix original) and sometimes it is totally repulsive.
Pati Patni Aur Woh, is not only outdated and repetitive, but is a black spot in the history of a nation moving towards gender justice.
The trailer of the film normalizes and trivializes marital rape, giving it an unjustified legitimacy through a deeply problematic dialogue, that translates, “If we ask our wives for sex then we’re called beggars, if we deny them sex then we’re called torturers, and if we coerce them into having sex with us, we’re called rapists“.
“Biwi se sex maang lein toh hum bikhaari,
Biwi ko sex na de toh hum atyachaari,
Aur kisi tarah jugaad laga ke usse sex haasil kar lena toh balaatkari bhi hum hai.”
Post a Comment